I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO ASK FOR HELP

April 2015

April 2015

5 minutes read

I’m back in your inbox and feeling so grateful you’re welcoming me. It’s me again;  Stef from Room For Myself - with Ashtanga Yoga. 

After my last notes to you in the beginning of June about my participation at FEFI - An intercultural market for female entrepreneurs, June took its own rhythm, and I haven’t followed up yet with my latest blog post. 

Successfully finished FEFI, my next focus was on my very favorite workshop in mid-June at Ashtanga Yoga Cascais, with Peter Sanson. Peter, from New Zealand, was awarded the certification to share the traditional method of Ashtanga Yoga. 

After four years of practicing with him in his workshop, I've come to consider him as a teacher, who’s got the most profound and lasting impact on my personal growth. Under his guidance, I take care of my practice, merge into it with no distraction, dive deeper into the so vast world of Ashtanga Yoga while beautifully being side by side with my fellows. 

It’s an annual highlight for me. I really needed to make my participation happen. My schedule re-organized I also invited my awesome sister Carolin to support the life of my son Zion and me during the workshop. 

I was so happy to take them both to the dinner, which Peter invited all practitioners and their families. In the round, Peter then goes from table to table and kindly chats with all. At ours, I introduced him to my sister, and he said these beautiful words:  Your sister came all the way from Germany so you can do the Yoga. I nodded with a huge smile, and a big heartfelt YES left me profoundly internalizing the blessing to receive the help I asked for. 


That’s what I’d like to talk about in this post. About asking for and receiving help, because I've made my way through a shift and would love to share my process. 

Why?
Because, I firmly believe, we’re here to help each other. Asking for help and receiving it, request you to grow in some of the more than ever needed realms of human principles - trust and vulnerability, courage and connection. 


Personally, asking for help was a shameful thing to do for me. Instead, I kept quiet and considered  as confident. My “confidence” I would express in being good helping others, while inside I didn’t feel integrated nor worthy. 

Along with my 10 years journey of Ashtanga Yoga, I got taught, that there exists another way to go, but I only dared to begin exploring this topic about three years ago. 

With my studies of Ashtanga Yoga, I love to research a bridge between yoga, philosophy, science, coaching, and spirituality. In science, I was lucky also to discover researcher, Brené Brown. Brené committed herself to research courage, shame, vulnerability, and empathy. All of her four books* I've read and refer to them in my personal experiences through Ashtanga Yoga and life as well as I apply her research in my work. 


I came across this video snippet just recently, and Brené shares this: 

When you cannot ask for help without self-judgment, you were never really offering help without judgment. 

[…] You’ve attached judgment to asking for help […] and when you extract worthiness from helping people, this is judgment. 

When you don’t extract worthiness, and you think, I’m just helping you because one day I’m gonna need help, then that’s connection, vulnerability.  
— Brené Brown


Listening to her research results all of my work on this topic began to make sense. I understood, where my difficulty was, and I felt ready to change it. 

Giving help and not being able to ask for help without self-judgment is what I had done a long time. Unconsciously. Also, I’m here to admit, that I did gain self-worth from helping others as a teacher. Unconsciously.

Taking a deeper look into it, not pain-free at all, I dared to discover, where the lack of my worthiness came from and how I can heal it. I also had the responsibility to review my work attitude as a teacher. All in all, an in-depth process of courage, humility, and self-worthiness. 


I can’t think of any more effective method than Ashtanga Yoga, that’s taught me courage and strength to investigate such vulnerable topics. Ultimately, I believe, taking this practice is in itself a practice of self-worthiness and -care, which makes the inner foundation robust to be able to change yourself and internalize insights to put them into action in your life then. 

And learning how to asking for and receiving help without judgment was one of my tasks.


In my life, it all came together in the last months before Peter Sanson’s workshop. 
I did need help with Zion's childcare on the weekends. I dared to ask from heart to heart, and I received such a high and warm return. 

Many times, Zion stayed with his friends. They could develop their friendships, and I had the precious chance to connect more with moms and families in my hood. It was all topped with the arrival of my sister and this moment on the dinner table with Peter Sanson, I spoke about at the beginning of this post. 

I've loved these experiences and when I'm searching for a word that describes my feelings it is - freedom. I felt so free and yet integrated.

 

Appreciating your presence, I’m allowing myself to say thank you to all of you again (in no particular order) - 

Dad Hugo with Zion’s best friends Zef & Fausto
Family Caro & William with Zion’s best friend, Jack
Mom Cynthia and cool Kayla, Zion’s favorite girlfriend ;)
Mom Marilu and sweetest energetic son Yasser
Friends Pedro & Tina from Beyond - Boards for the times on the board
Friend Jessie from Karma-Surf-Retreat for introducing to Zion the ukulele
Mom Mariela with her so adorable daughter Sophia
Zion’s teachers Ana & Teresa, who both are there for him far beyond school hours and
Greatest sister and aunty Carolin.  


Yes, asking and giving help with no judgment is connection and vulnerability. 
It brings us closer, opens up for understanding and togetherness, which makes life worth living and sweet.
 

Additionally, I also learned to get a “no”. Sometimes, it wasn’t possible to get help, so I figured out a way, with the qualities of strength and surrender built up with the practice of Ashtanga Yoga. It made me really grow my faith that in any way I can always rely on myself. 

 

So, I’d love to encourage you to look into your patterns of asking and receiving help. When needed see, how you can change it for the better and share with me in the comments below your process. Somebody else needs just to hear your story. 

Feel free to write personally to roomformyself@gmail.com. I'm glad to listen. 

In Private Teaching, we do tackle topics like this, and when you feel, it’s your time now then please don’t hesitate to send me an email to roomformyself@gmail.com for my offers. I’d be grateful to hear from you! 

Always know, you can ask :)! 

With so much love. 

Your Stef
 

  • *The Gifts of Imperfection
  • Daring Greatly
  • Rising Strong
  • Braving the Wilderness

 

THE LINK FROM GARDENING TO ROOM FOR MYSELF

This here is my first official newsletter.
Congrats! Or, in Zion's way, a fist bump and a "Good job, Mommy". 

In December last year I wrote my first newsletter to those I had the great opportunity to practice with. 

Three months ago, so after a whole lot working time behind the scene,  I decided to keep in touch with you with a monthly note in your inbox and hell, I did it all manual. Starting off with 20 eMails, then with 50 it become clear I needed to work with a program to support me. Having loved it to do it manually, because I was close to you and each person Ive come across, I do my best now to keep the connection with you through this newsletter too. 

Why do I wanna write? 

I truly believe, in the direct link from Ashtanga Yoga to our ordinary daily life. In combination with my personal experience as a student and friend, woman and mother of nowadays I feel the need to share and discuss it with you. Also, through interviews of practitioners I work with, I'll share how each person evaluates this jewel of a practice Ashtanga Yoga and how it has changed and keeps inspiring their life. 

Room For Myself I launched in the beginning of last year (blog post here).
Its about Ashtanga Yoga Private Teaching.

In this note you'll find further down, what it stands for linked to a tiny part of my story  and a current experiment with my son Zion in Gardening.

What could that have to do with Room For Myself? 

See here! 
School education in the Soviet part of Germany was under the influence of the country’s socialistic system. 

My favs were Sport and - you wouldn’t believe - Gardening. Yes, we were offered Gardening. The first four years of school at the age from 7 to 10 we learnt all about growing vegetables, fruits and herbs. 

Also my family used to take care of a garden in the back of our house. It was part of our culture. Well, there wasn't much in supermarket shelves either.  

I lost my joy in gardening during my studies at university and search for life and came humbly back to teach it now to my son Zion - in a small version. 

Why? Because, I’d love him to witness a natural cycle of life. One, that happens over and over again in our ordinary life too.

Here's Zion's project in Gardening :): 

Zion plants seeds in fertile soil. Then he needs to be responsible. He learns to take care and find the appropriate balance between effort, surrender and patience. 

When it’s time to water, when it’s time to protect, when it’s time for the nourishment of the sun, when it’s time to give space and wait for the sprouts to unfold. 

Together, we check the little sprouts of salad, carrots and broccoli every day. We’re in awe and love to witness natural growth and change. We find joy and share this moment sacredly. 

The continues process requires now, that Zion prunes the tiny field of sprouts, to give room for the ones to grow to the vegetable. It’s a difficult moment. Because it’s one of letting go and he griefs. Not all of the seeds we planted will make their way through. 

He may not be even successful with the sprouts we’ve left, but we'll keep going because, we want to enjoy our moments, the process and what we learn.  Zion trusts he may harvest some salad, carrots and broccoli and enjoy their gifts.

Most importantly, it happens all in STILLNESS. 

Being responsible, taking care, experiencing loss and yet keeping focused - Zion has been doing and experimenting it. With no validation from outside he stays consistent on his project. Day in and day out; and Im curious how he'll engage with the harvest and preparing earth for new seeds. I'll keep you posted. 

Planting vegetables with Zion, is for me a possible way to share with him cycles of life. In hope, he’ll learn naturally to be responsible, to loose, grief, let go and move on, grow his perseverance and celebrate his success to simple take a next step and so fulfill his life with substance.

Surely, life will teach him. But the seed is planted. 

For me, it was my personal Ashtanga Yoga practice, that taught me, what Im trying to share with my son - a natural cycle of life's phases. 

Plant a seed, take care of it with the best intention for yourself, learn what it takes to flourish it, let go of what would stop the process of growth, focus on what matters most, enjoy the moment, move on and plant the next seed. With time we're knowledgable, strong and humble enough to be able to take care of a garden.

I used to have a hard time in accepting the part of “letting go”. Stillness though used to be my dear friend. Now, after almost 10 years of practicing this ancient Yoga method, Ive learnt to surrender; or let’s say it’s become a way easier :) and has strongly contributed to my sense for inner freedom. 


Our soul is where we plant our seeds and cultivate what matters most in each of our lives.

A room for stillness and no disturbance, where we’re able to return at any given moment and renew, who we are and how we engage with life. That’s what Room For Myself stands for. 

The room for yourself, which needs to build, be taken care of and nourished compassionately. 
That, my friend, takes courage and will and adventure and surrender too. 
Which is, I quote my son "Really AWEsome". 

During the last 1 and a half year of specialising as a Personal Ashtanga Yoga Teacher for Room For Myself Ive shared the mat with inspiring women and men likewise, from different countries and backgrounds. Most of them have been in a challenging phase of their lives.

Yet experiences taught them, that the only way out is "in" - taking care of themselves and facing the current situation with what is. 

To be able to witness, how each practitioner benefits from the Ashtanga Yoga method is a blessing and I don't take that lightly. 

Ashtanga Yoga has become the source of my life and my intention is to help you engage with you in your personal Yoga experience.

Don't get me wrong, when you'll see the shot of me below. Ashtanga Yoga isn't about having the legs straight up in the air, nor put behind your head. By engaging in the postures as you are today, this practice is about your breath, about you and your life. The one that you're in and the one, you'd love to create, build and share from inside out.

On or off the mat, I invite you to join me along the journey of Room For Myself. 

I'd be grateful for you.

My schedule and the "really awesome" upcoming events are listed below.  
 


Now, Id love to hear from you. Which seed have you planted recently? Why and how is it going? 
What role does Yoga play in your life?

Can't wait to hear from you in the comments below! 

With love, water and patience. 

Stefanie

 

SCHEDULE

PERSONAL YOGA
Along the coastline Lx-Cascais
Mondays through Fridays 7:30 - 16:30 (except during the slots of Group Classes)
Saturdays 8a - 2p

Book your session here!

 

GROUP CLASSES
Yoga Lisboa, Lisbon   - Mondays & Fridays 12:30p - 2p
Residência do Sol   -  Classes resume in September 2017 with a new schedule

Reserve your spot here

 

EVENTS

ASHTANGA YOGA WORKSHOP WITH ONE OF THE GREATEST YOGIS NOWADAYS
ONE OF NOWADAYS MOST POWERFUL YOGIS @ Yoga Lisboa, 1-4 August 2017!

Quiet man PABLO PIRILLO from Argentina (KPJAYI Level 2) is coming to humbly share with us his profound experience in Ashtanga Yoga and the knowledge in philosophy. // What describes a Yogi? As a beginner or advanced practitioner hit going and join the workshop to learn from Pablo's vast body of teaching skills precisely adapted to your needs, drink from his wisdom in the conference and ask your questions to be inspired with love and devotion for your personal Yoga journey. // During Xico's time in India he learnt a lot from Pablo. They've become close friends. Its Xico's wish to hand on Pablo's teaching practice to YOU and into our community.

Drop an eMail to Xico: biosayogalisboa@gmail.com

 

YOGA & HEALTHY LUNCH
YOGA & HEALTHY LUNCH @Yoga Lisboa & Spinach prolonged for YOU - till 31 July! Your feedback means a lot to us. We've listened! Thank you! Beginners and regular practitioners are welcome. It’ll be accessible for everyone. And, here're is the BIGGEST CHANGE. You can do it - Yoga AND lunch - in ONE HOUR. Beautiful Magui (Spinach) will deliver your Pani Bread to the Yoga Studio. COUPON AVAILABLE FOR 10€ at Yoga Lisboa and Spinach. 

Drop a message: roomformyself@gmail.com to reserve your spot and order your pani :)! Very much looking forward to you!

 

 

 

CLIMBING

Im thrilled by my first climbing experience. My heart feels fulfilled.

What I've learnt most today is, that I don't only have responsibility for myself, we share responsibility for each other and trust is the foundation - for all of us together in this thing called life. 

So, thank you very much. I feel grateful for - Tina (Beyond Boards), Isa Maria (Outdoor Adventures Portugal), and all of them who came out today. A beautiful group. I also thank Xico, my Yoga teacher, for patiently keeping inspiring me to do it. It was thought to help me healing my knees. Ive just discovered something special.