ROOM FOR MYSELF

Room For Myself. 

Moments, when I barely breathe. a moment of emptiness. black out. no chance for me to protect myself, nor stand up for myself nor put limits. 

Moments, when my heart beats so strong and fast, I cannot inhale neither exhale as fast. 

Moments so stressed, when I freak out and scream. 

Moments of anger and loosing ground.

Moments of fear and anxiety.

Moments when resistance is fighting me inside hard. even when I do my best, letting go seems impossible. opening my hand held tight to a fist…. 

Moments of fear instead of faith.

Moments of fear instead of courage.

Moments of shame instead of self-respect.

Moments of hurt and insult instead of self-love.

When I cannot understand yet my action. when I become aware, that I have gone through the same cycle again. one that does not do me any good.  

All the questions of why and how. Of who am I and what am I supposed to do. What does it mean - the true essence of myself? how does it feel? how does it express? How to be?

Room For Myself is not only the space in the present apparent comfort zone. It is not only a time-out on a deserted beach. That's kinda easy. 

It is the room, where I learn to look inside myself. Truly. Deeply. Safely. The room, where I cry, fight, hate; where I observe, contemplate, accept; where I laugh, enjoy and joke. 

With myself, about myself. 

Brutality and beauty of life likewise. 

Human being. I am.  
Learning to be gently and kind and respectful with myself. 
No matter what. and becoming my best friend.

Room For Myself.

 

MISSION 30 - FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY

In September is my birthday. This year I dove into the last one of my 30-ies. In the the beginning of them, I put myself on "Mission 30",  in need of changing my life. A job with a career chance, an apartment and a car, gym twice a week and drinks on the weekends couldn't be it. I took action and began to evaluate elements in my life that I could see at that time and reduced them to minimum: I changed my job, my closet, my apartment, insurances and along this process I also came to shift from the gym to Ashtanga Yoga. The stone was rolling and I would have never imaged myself to do what I did.

a dive into bliss

a dive into bliss

Looking back, my "mission"  was not about leaving Germany by car and a suitcase to Portugal, not about dedicating my life to Yoga and then to sharing it, not about raising my son Zion far away from family, not about trusting my work and building my business based on my own experience - ROOM FOR MYSELF.  When I stood at a crossroad, it was all about overcoming my fear, creating room for my authentic self and experiencing to live it! I don’t have it all together. What is it anyway? Im just grateful for the roller coaster of life and to have discovered, that I am able to surprise myself. 

I love surprises. You?

EACH CHILD IS HOPE FOR THIS WORLD

My thoughts this quiet early morning about being a mom

I love being a mom. It seems to me the most natural role I can envision as a woman. My highest responsibility as a mom is to become the best version of myself and to live it as a journey.     With my son Zion I want to share my concepts, my tools and joy of life along the path and hold his space, where he unfolds and takes over gradually. I want him to experience, that life is change. And I hope, he will reflect on what he as learnt, shreds my tools, approves or evolves them and develops freely his life, trusts and owns it wholeheartedly. Off he is going... 

I love being a mom. It seems to me the most natural role I can envision as a woman. My highest responsibility as a mom is to become the best version of myself and to live it as a journey. 

With my son Zion I want to share my concepts, my tools and joy of life along the path and hold his space, where he unfolds and takes over gradually. I want him to experience, that life is change. And I hope, he will reflect on what he as learnt, shreds my tools, approves or evolves them and develops freely his life, trusts and owns it wholeheartedly. Off he is going...