I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO ASK FOR HELP

 April 2015

April 2015

5 minutes read

I’m back in your inbox and feeling so grateful you’re welcoming me. It’s me again;  Stef from Room For Myself - with Ashtanga Yoga. 

After my last notes to you in the beginning of June about my participation at FEFI - An intercultural market for female entrepreneurs, June took its own rhythm, and I haven’t followed up yet with my latest blog post. 

Successfully finished FEFI, my next focus was on my very favorite workshop in mid-June at Ashtanga Yoga Cascais, with Peter Sanson. Peter, from New Zealand, was awarded the certification to share the traditional method of Ashtanga Yoga. 

After four years of practicing with him in his workshop, I've come to consider him as a teacher, who’s got the most profound and lasting impact on my personal growth. Under his guidance, I take care of my practice, merge into it with no distraction, dive deeper into the so vast world of Ashtanga Yoga while beautifully being side by side with my fellows. 

It’s an annual highlight for me. I really needed to make my participation happen. My schedule re-organized I also invited my awesome sister Carolin to support the life of my son Zion and me during the workshop. 

I was so happy to take them both to the dinner, which Peter invited all practitioners and their families. In the round, Peter then goes from table to table and kindly chats with all. At ours, I introduced him to my sister, and he said these beautiful words:  Your sister came all the way from Germany so you can do the Yoga. I nodded with a huge smile, and a big heartfelt YES left me profoundly internalizing the blessing to receive the help I asked for. 


That’s what I’d like to talk about in this post. About asking for and receiving help, because I've made my way through a shift and would love to share my process. 

Why?
Because, I firmly believe, we’re here to help each other. Asking for help and receiving it, request you to grow in some of the more than ever needed realms of human principles - trust and vulnerability, courage and connection. 


Personally, asking for help was a shameful thing to do for me. Instead, I kept quiet and considered  as confident. My “confidence” I would express in being good helping others, while inside I didn’t feel integrated nor worthy. 

Along with my 10 years journey of Ashtanga Yoga, I got taught, that there exists another way to go, but I only dared to begin exploring this topic about three years ago. 

With my studies of Ashtanga Yoga, I love to research a bridge between yoga, philosophy, science, coaching, and spirituality. In science, I was lucky also to discover researcher, Brené Brown. Brené committed herself to research courage, shame, vulnerability, and empathy. All of her four books* I've read and refer to them in my personal experiences through Ashtanga Yoga and life as well as I apply her research in my work. 


I came across this video snippet just recently, and Brené shares this: 

When you cannot ask for help without self-judgment, you were never really offering help without judgment. 

[…] You’ve attached judgment to asking for help […] and when you extract worthiness from helping people, this is judgment. 

When you don’t extract worthiness, and you think, I’m just helping you because one day I’m gonna need help, then that’s connection, vulnerability.  
— Brené Brown


Listening to her research results all of my work on this topic began to make sense. I understood, where my difficulty was, and I felt ready to change it. 

Giving help and not being able to ask for help without self-judgment is what I had done a long time. Unconsciously. Also, I’m here to admit, that I did gain self-worth from helping others as a teacher. Unconsciously.

Taking a deeper look into it, not pain-free at all, I dared to discover, where the lack of my worthiness came from and how I can heal it. I also had the responsibility to review my work attitude as a teacher. All in all, an in-depth process of courage, humility, and self-worthiness. 


I can’t think of any more effective method than Ashtanga Yoga, that’s taught me courage and strength to investigate such vulnerable topics. Ultimately, I believe, taking this practice is in itself a practice of self-worthiness and -care, which makes the inner foundation robust to be able to change yourself and internalize insights to put them into action in your life then. 

And learning how to asking for and receiving help without judgment was one of my tasks.


In my life, it all came together in the last months before Peter Sanson’s workshop. 
I did need help with Zion's childcare on the weekends. I dared to ask from heart to heart, and I received such a high and warm return. 

Many times, Zion stayed with his friends. They could develop their friendships, and I had the precious chance to connect more with moms and families in my hood. It was all topped with the arrival of my sister and this moment on the dinner table with Peter Sanson, I spoke about at the beginning of this post. 

I've loved these experiences and when I'm searching for a word that describes my feelings it is - freedom. I felt so free and yet integrated.

 

Appreciating your presence, I’m allowing myself to say thank you to all of you again (in no particular order) - 

Dad Hugo with Zion’s best friends Zef & Fausto
Family Caro & William with Zion’s best friend, Jack
Mom Cynthia and cool Kayla, Zion’s favorite girlfriend ;)
Mom Marilu and sweetest energetic son Yasser
Friends Pedro & Tina from Beyond - Boards for the times on the board
Friend Jessie from Karma-Surf-Retreat for introducing to Zion the ukulele
Mom Mariela with her so adorable daughter Sophia
Zion’s teachers Ana & Teresa, who both are there for him far beyond school hours and
Greatest sister and aunty Carolin.  


Yes, asking and giving help with no judgment is connection and vulnerability. 
It brings us closer, opens up for understanding and togetherness, which makes life worth living and sweet.
 

Additionally, I also learned to get a “no”. Sometimes, it wasn’t possible to get help, so I figured out a way, with the qualities of strength and surrender built up with the practice of Ashtanga Yoga. It made me really grow my faith that in any way I can always rely on myself. 

 

So, I’d love to encourage you to look into your patterns of asking and receiving help. When needed see, how you can change it for the better and share with me in the comments below your process. Somebody else needs just to hear your story. 

Feel free to write personally to roomformyself@gmail.com. I'm glad to listen. 

In Private Teaching, we do tackle topics like this, and when you feel, it’s your time now then please don’t hesitate to send me an email to roomformyself@gmail.com for my offers. I’d be grateful to hear from you! 

Always know, you can ask :)! 

With so much love. 

Your Stef
 

  • *The Gifts of Imperfection
  • Daring Greatly
  • Rising Strong
  • Braving the Wilderness